I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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