what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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