drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
