im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
