id be glad to
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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