My room smells like vodka and shame
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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