The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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