i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
