I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
