I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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