what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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