Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
