Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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