My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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