So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize