Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
