A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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