Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize