Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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