i don't like sucking hair
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize