Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
