Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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