I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
