My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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