I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
