guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
