just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like death gave me a hand job
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
