Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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