Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
