He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize