Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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