I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
