what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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