I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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