Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
