atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
