my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
