If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
