Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize