I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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