If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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