okay pat passed out under dana's car
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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