Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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