I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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