My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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