# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
