I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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