i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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