Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
