I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We just shotgunned beers for America
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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