And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
