Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
