would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
