My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
