saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize