I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
