He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
