...so i touched it.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
