Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
