what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
