Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
