fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
