I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm drive I can fine osifer
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize