Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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