I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I currently don't understand fingers.
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