I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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