my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
