Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize