turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
