im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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