if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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