I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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