right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
