I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
