DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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