I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
