Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've blown a few things in my day
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
