I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
