hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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