She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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