Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
