I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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