I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
