woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
