Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
