Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
