Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
